Dear Sunday motorists,
I am writing this letter is regards to the manner in which I behaved on the freeway today. My actions were not very becoming and for that I am sorry. I realize you were all on your way home from a lovely weekend getaway oblivious to the fact that there are other, less well rested, people on the road. I'm not sure if, in your state of bliss, you recall the left lane is for passing only, not passing the time. I do fully understand you are not in a hurry to get back to real life but others of us on the road have real life screaming in our ears. Here are a few little reminders to keep you safe on your next road trip. If you are pulling anything behind you the left lane is off limits. If your minivan is more than 15 yrs old and packed full of your camping equipment the left lane is off limits. If you drive a rig or anything resembling a rig the left lane is off limits. If a big grey van comes flying up behind you it is in your best interest to vacate the left lane completely. When merging on to the freeway there is never any reason to not utilize the on ramp to get up to travelling speed. Under no circumstances should you try to merge onto the freeway at a lesser speed than posted. A tow truck parked on the side of the freeway is not a good reason to slam on your breaks. Please print off these key safety tips and get the embroidered onto you fuzzy steering wheel cover. For your safety I do solemnly vow to never buy, steal, construct, or otherwise obtain a lethal weapon to keep in my lap while driving on the freeway, in the summer, on a Sunday afternoon. I would also like to suggest you research different areas to do your scenic driving. My freeway is not the place nor will it ever be. SO in conclusion I would like to openly admit I am a road rage-oholic and am in the process of seeking intense in patient treatment in a Caribbean rehab center. Thank you for you time. Drive safe :)
Mrs. Going to run you off the road if you don't move out of my way because I have 5 kids, one who is insisting they are going to throw up, one who claims they thought they could hold it, and three who feel the van is the perfect place to have a UFC match.